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Does your marriage leave you feeling empty

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It's often very difficult to tell what is petty from what is important and scary thoughts feel too threatening to admit - even to ourselves! Here's where the self honesty comes in.

We have to learn to listen carefully to our selves. What are our feelings and thoughts telling us? We need to learn to just listen and accept. We need to bravely admit to ourselves or to a therapist what our thoughts truly are. Are we thinking we made a mistake by being in relationship with this person?

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Are we feeling like we are not being listened to or respected by our fmpty Are we afraid that if we say something to our partner the relationship will fall apart?

Do we worry we will never find anyone that will make us happy? This self honesty takes some practice and time. It is often the time when a therapist will be helpful to guide you through the process.

It can be very confusing and upsetting. For example, just because we think something Dods not mean it's what we truly want or need.

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Our thoughts and feelings are ONLY starting points. They inform us and from there we have to take the time to sort out the youg and find a course of action we'd like to take.

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Does this thought mean you should leave your relationship but you're just not brave enough to do it? Maybe, but often it's NO!

All this thought means is that you are feeling distanced, hurt and alone in your relationship yet you don't quite want to end it. Next you need to find out why.

What things have happened to make you feel hurt, slighted or unheard? Make a list of yoyr of these things. At this point be petty, be honest.

Many of us feel empty in different ways. For leeave, you might feel empty because something is missing in your life, said Kaitlyn Slight, a marriage and family therapist in Raleigh, N. This might be emptiness from a loved one moving or passing away, she said.

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You might stop caring for yourself while focusing on your career. For instance, you might stop moving your body or getting enough sleep. Abandoning ourselves can spark anxietydepressionguilt and shame, she said.

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They mention that work is unsatisfying, they feel unsuccessful, their relationships are unfulfilling or nothing is exciting. Here are several suggestions from Eder and Slight. Sometimes, the hole forms because you missed out on love while you were growing up, Eder said. Eder suggested speaking to yourself with compassion.

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For instance, you might say: Instead of trying to fill the void with drugs, alcohol, TV, computer games or anything else, look within and spend time with yourself, she said. Slight suggested carving out time to explore your own desires, fears, hopes and dreams.

Because different activities work for different people, you might find that meditation, writing or exercise helps you refocus on yourself. Slight suggested exploring the below questions.

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We can do this while journaling, taking a walk or drinking a cup of tea, she said. As kids, some of us used our lack of feelings to protect ourselves from being overwhelmed, Eder said. Today, take your time letting in your feelings, she said.

Ask the Therapist: Why does my relationship feel empty?

Again, therapy can help. Lonely man photo available from Shutterstock. She also explores self-image issues on her own blog Weightless and creativity on her blog Make a Mess: Find help or get online counseling now.